How to Help Your Parent Plan Their Funeral

Pre-planning a funeral can take a lot of the financial and logistical stress off the family when a parent passes away. With so many choices, personal expressions, and costs to choose from, planning a funeral has become a bit more complicated today. Although it’s not the easiest subject to talk about, working with your parent to plan their funeral can ensure that their wishes are known. Planning ahead can also make it possible for everyone to carefully consider the options without the emotional trauma and schedule pressure that occurs after losing a loved one. 

Starting the conversation

The first step to helping your parent plan their funeral is to start a conversation about their death and the importance of pre-planning. It’s often a good idea to bring up this topic before a loved one moves into an assisted living community so you’re clear on their wishes. Not sure how to broach this delicate subject? Here are a few ideas for starting the conversation: 

• When a parent asks you to be the executor of their estate, it’s an excellent opportunity to bring up the subject of their final arrangements.
• If your parent mentions the death of a loved one or friend, ask about their own wishes.
• If you find yourself discussing other aspects of their finances, bring up how they’re going to finance their final plans and what preferences they have.

Cremation or burial  

One of the first topics to discuss with your parent is whether they want cremation or burial. Both choices come with several different options, so try to get your loved one to be as specific as possible. 

Burial 

Today you have a couple of options if you choose a burial. A traditional burial usually involves casket purchase, mausoleum space or cemetery plot, a burial vault or grave liner, and some type of grave marker, plaque, monument, or headstone. 

Another option available today is a “green” or natural burial, an option designed to have a limited impact on the environment. 

If your loved one chooses a burial, keep the following things in mind: 

• Do they already have a burial plot?
  • If so, where is it?
  • Do they have the ownership papers?
• Do they have a headstone?
  • Where are the purchase papers?
  • What does your parent want on their headstone (or other type of grave marker)

Cremation

Cremation is another option that uses flame/heat to reduce the body to ashes. The cremated remains provide survivors with different options. You can choose to scatter the remains, keep the remains, place inured cremated remains in a columbarium, or have a burial below the ground in an urn.

Choosing a funeral home 

Next, it’s essential to select a funeral home to handle the burial or cremation for you. A funeral director can help you through every step of the planning process and will arrange for the services you pick to be carried out. You and your parent can research local funeral homes in your area. Most businesses now provide service and product information, prices, and more online so you can easily compare your options. 

What type of service do you want? 

Funerals, memorial services, and graveside services are some of the common options, but there are other events you may want to have as well, such as wakes, visitations, and viewings. Some tips you and your parents can use to plan a personalized memorial or funeral service include: 

• Choose a Location – Funeral homes, cemeteries, gravesites, and places of worship are all popular locations.
• Decide on an Officiant – Determine who will lead the service. If the service is at a place of worship, then it’s likely that the religious leader there will be the officiant.
• Identify Participants – Your parent may want to have family members and friends participate in their service. They can decide who will deliver readings, eulogies, play music, sing songs, or offer other types of tributes.
• Other Elements of the Service – Talk to your loved one about how they’d like the event to look and feel. They may want to choose music, flowers, personal memorabilia, memory boards, and other unique personal touches.

How are you paying for the funeral? 

The cost of a funeral varies depending on the type of service you desire and the form of final disposition. It’s important to talk to your parent about how to pay for these services. Many different payment options are available today, including: 

• Financing (often available through funeral providers)
• Personal savings
• Credit cards
• Insurance/Death benefit
• Payable-on-Death/Totten Trust accounts, which specifically set aside money for final expenses that will pass to a pre-designated beneficiary and avoid going through probate.

It’s also possible for your loved one to formally arrange everything in advance with their chosen provider and then pay in advance through installments or a lump payment. 

Other decisions to make when pre-planning 

A few other decisions you and your parent may want to make together when pre-planning a funeral include: 

• Casket type (if choosing a burial)
• Urns/keepsakes (if choosing cremation)
• Charitable donations vs. flowers
• Writing an obituary/eulogy
• Final permanent memorialization
• Estate planning and documentation of your parent’s personal information

Planning a funeral in advance offers many benefits for both you and your parent. Your parent will get exactly what they want, it will keep family members from trying to make tough decisions after going through a loss, and it can provide everyone involved with peace of mind. If you’re not familiar with your parent’s wishes, start a conversation and work through this guide to make a plan together.